Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
