so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
