and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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