I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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