If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
