My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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