could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
