Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
