Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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