i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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