K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize