My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
