i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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