This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
