i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
