she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
