now i know why i became what i already was.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
my liver is dry heaving
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
