The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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