I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize