broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
