I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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