where am i from again
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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