i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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