I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
