he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You are a genius and a whore.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
