Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
