Your face is a jimmy john
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
