The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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