Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize