Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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