WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
