There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
