When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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