that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
my poor anus
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
