Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
