Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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