Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
