dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
