I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
