Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
