Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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