I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize