you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
