... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
