yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I want a musical about memes.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
