I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
