After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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