I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
