I smell stomach acid.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
