Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
soo... how was my night?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
