I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
