Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
