I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
