are you still at the devil's house?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
