I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
