Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
