You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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