Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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