Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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