Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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