2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
