it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
