She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
