Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
