So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Two words: blizzard sex
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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