I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
