He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
