PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize