I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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