oh god the rape fog is back!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
