God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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