dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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